Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Pathetic.

There is one word that best describes how I feel right now. The feeling of inadequacy and inferiority. I feel pathetic...

So today I decided to study out in this somewhat overrated coffee shop in the IT Hub of our "booming city". I ordered a choco java chip frap and told the barista my name. As I was trying to find the perfect table to overstay and study. Boom! I tried to act as "normal" as I could. I saw them... I saw him... Him studying with his new guy. The law student. 

I pretended not to see him and sat on the opposite side of the cafe. I was already getting settled and fuck! The barista called out my name! So the walk of shame to get my drink begins. I got my drink and as much as I tried to not look his way. I did.. Our eyes met.. Mine and Cheng's.. I felt the familiar "zing" that sent an electric feel up my spine. I pretended to not know him and he did the same. 

"Of all the places! Why here! Why now?" I said to myself. 

There they are... In my eyes they look like a perfect couple... Both on the same career field, both of the same heritage, and both birds of the same feather.

Now I wonder if he loves him, like how he used to loved me? Does he make you want to check your phone to read sweet nothings? 

Maybe your last words saying "If that is what makes you happy then leave me". Was actually meant for yourself.  

I know right now you probably feel really gwapo for making me write this blog but fuck you for making me love you. I fell for you so hard even before I realized I did. I hope he loves you better than I did. 


42 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. No words of comfort would ever relieve what you feel at this moment. But just so you know, eventually everything will be forgotten. It always is.


    Cheers!

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    Replies
    1. Only time can heal our wounds :)

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    2. ...lots of angry casual sex helps too. worked for me

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  3. I had someone that I had a huge crush on and when I saw 'them' together, I was writhing in jealousy. The word pathetic came to mine, that bad feeling of 'I wish it was me' came to mind. But I moved on and I do wish 'them' happiness. The scar is new to you, it will hurt but eventually heal.

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    1. I hope it does and I know it will only make me stronger :)

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  4. To be staying in the same vicinity with someone you have a deep feeling for is hellish; been there, done that. To move away is easy but to stay and face it on will make you be better prepared for next phase of your life

    *hugs tight*

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    Replies
    1. Awh :) This is probably part of moving on :))

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  6. Tadhana is a bitch. Kung kelan ka nagpaka low profile saka naman bigla isisigaw name mo. Lol!

    What cannot kill you will make you stronger. He's now someone you used to know. By all means, mourn for the loss of love between you. But don't let your past totally destroy your peace, or let it deter your resolve to start a new and better life. Move on. Two simple words that are easy to say but very hard to do. But that doesn't mean it's impossible.

    And do not walk the walk of shame... it's not you who should be hiding.

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    Replies
    1. I lost him once before and I lost him again. :) Time will fix everything :)

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  7. They might click. They might not. You should not be concerned...

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    1. In short.. I better just get on with my life :) Thanks for dropping by William!

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    2. In time, his presence will no longer be a source of anxiety.

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  8. Picking up the pieces and moving on from a break up is always tough. But it makes you a better person in the long run. (:

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    1. Though this time we are just strangers again.. I know this will make me stronger though :) Thanks for dropping by Aiden!

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  9. I firmly believe all healthy breakups begin with anger.

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    Replies
    1. We probably all go through the five stages of grief and right now I am probably in the 4th stage before actually moving on.

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  10. its ok. you will find someone better

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  11. there is a saying.."if you really meant to each other, your road will surely meet no matter how strange the ways are."

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    Replies
    1. Awh :) Maybe we were just meant to be with each other for us to learn on how to be stronger :)

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  12. This, too, shall pass. And pin your hopes to the thought that one day, someday, you will be happy again, instead.

    I do not know how much pain you are going through right now. Or how long exactly it would take for you to completely heal. But know that it is possible.

    We be here. =D

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    Replies
    1. Thanks :) Hope to read more from you din naman! I feel like I have read a similar blog as yours before :)

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  13. hey. thanks for reading my blog. you're still hurting, i see. kind of in the same situation you are in. and frankly, i dont know what to do.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you for visiting mines too :) Same too.. I sort of feel lost to all this but we will get through this :)

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  14. from the radio station na lagi kong pinakikinggan lately...

    everything is going to be alright.

    Maybe not today, but eventually.

    focus na lang sa nalalapit na board. Kaya mo yan!

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  15. Come study in Manila na! haha!

    Hey, everything will be alright. right now you'll just have to go through it. Be strong :)

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  16. Come study in Manila na! haha!

    Hey, everything will be alright. right now you'll just have to go through it. Be strong :)

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    Replies
    1. Sana nga mag med nalang ako but I realized that I am not getting any younger naman haha

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  17. Dahil jan, theme song natin ang someday ni Nina, It's part of the process and enjoy mo lang, How's that right? I mean, we all go to that process so the best part to be there is the learning youll get through this experience right? :)

    Then someday you'll life about this and realize you're with someone who can love you more

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    Replies
    1. Awh :) Sana nga I will find someone better

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  18. Somehow this post reminded of a song lyric: "Kasi ika'y mawawala na, nawalan ng gana ang tadhana."

    Reading the comments, it's good to.know some bloggers I've met 7 years ago are still here.

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    Replies
    1. I sort of miss reading the blogs I used to frequent a lot during my younger years. Sadly they all have mysteriously disappeared or have set their blog on private.

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  19. Face the pain and learn from it.

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  20. This is what Ive been avoiding. Actually yeah, FUCK! of all the places, ang laki ng Pinas. I have a bigger chance na makita ex ko kasi maliit ang Singapore. :(

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    1. Kaya nga pero parang SG lang ang situation namin kasi for my case I live in the same province with my ex. We all get through this naman so we just have to keep our head up :)

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  21. Hayzt, yun na lang ang nagging reaction ko.

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    1. :) We just have to keep moving forward :)

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  22. Kakabisita ko lang ng blog mo. Tapos napaback read ako. Im sorry to hear about what happened bet. you and cheng :(

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    1. Its ok :) I have moved on na talaga.. Or I think I did.

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