Monday, May 30, 2016

How to break up?

We have been fighting a lot for the past few months...

I don't even know if I still love him or I am just in love at the fact that I have a partner.  I just don't feel the love anymore. I feel like a hole for him to fuck. Heck he even hides me from certain people. I feel like a sex toy! Long gone are the days where we used to have long late night conversations about our future plans till we fall asleep or the days where we were simply happy together. 

A friend once told me that we cheat to find things that our partner cannot provide. Just recently I found out after going through Cheng's iPhone (which I have proudly cracked) that he has been fucking around with a law student whom he met on Tinder.  Cheng may be way more well-off than I am but that doesn't matter because money cannot buy true friends. What do I lack for him to go snooping around for other guys? 

Yes. I was also wrong for snooping around his phone.. But I was already having doubts when he was acting a bit strange at times. Like when I found law books on the backseat of his car, when smelled differently (Not the usual Bvlgari or Burberry Weekend he usually has on) when we comes to pick me up at my house, or when I found abrasions on his foreskin (Which led me to think that someone other than me has been playing with his manong). I don't think I deserve this..

This did not only happen once in our whole relationship. It is just too bad that my insurance does not have coverage for a metaphorically broken heart. I don't even know how to break up with him. It is hard for to actually for me to be OK with him. He has broken my trust several times and builds it up again only to later on break it. Probably the only reason why I find it so hard to let go of him is because I don't think I will ever find someone else who loves me like he does. 

Maybe it is best for me to move to another province that way I can completely avoid him. 

21 comments:

  1. Confrontation - be it if it end up in tears and fury. At least you get know where you stand in this relationship.

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    Replies
    1. Again with the confrontation process. I am sort of scared to hear things that I dont want to hear.

      Delete
  2. Awfully sorry to hear about this, Simon. Talk to him. Break up if you must. Self-preservation above anything else, brother.

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  3. Ang hirap naman nito...
    Ang level of difficulty ay tulad nung kanta ni KZ Tandingan -
    "Mahal ko o Mahal ako?" hehehe

    Lagi kong sinasabi kapag may kaibigan akong nahihirapan magdesisyon na doon sya sa kung saan sya mapapayapa nang hindi iniisip ang sasabihin ng iba. Kaya go lang, kung saan ka magiging peaceful, yun ang gawin mong desisyon.

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    Replies
    1. This happened thrice already. With another guy, a girl, and this time another guy. Time will again heal all wounds :)

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  4. Hi, Simon! Sabi sa'min noon ni Manong Toyo, kung papasok daw kami sa ganyang mga bagay, 'wag daw naming kalimutang magtira para sa sarili namin. And now, I'm giving you the same advise.

    -RYAN

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  5. Replies
    1. Somehow I am a bit happy about this. I used to be really angry about this last week pero ewan.

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  6. pag lagpas na sa dalawang beses ang pagkakamali, malamang nakasanayan na niya or naging bisyo na.

    pero ikaw padin ang magdedesisyon para sa sarili mo. ikaw ang mas nakaaalam kung ano ang bagay na deserve mo.

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    Replies
    1. I just dont think I will find someone like him... But who knows. I want to enjoy being single for now.

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  7. Books in the car...
    that's just too foul for me. That's coming from an adulterer (me).

    I wouldn't mind at all if a partner has been screwing around. But having books in his car... that's beyond fucking around. Do you get what I'm saying?

    Reassert yourself...do you really want to be that guy who's unhappy? If you think he'd be more hapy with the law stud, wouldn't it be for everbody's best interest if you two just break up?

    Be logical. You're in a crappy situation. What are you going to do about it? Sure it "hurts" and all... but, could you really live that way?

    And by reading in to you, not just in to your writing, I don't think you're the type of guy who'd have difficulty meeting new guys.

    I'm not saying go out and date around. I'm just saying, get out of your crappy situation. You nor he don't deserve it at all. Get out of your shitty situation, one way or the other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just dont want to make any rash decisions just yet.

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    2. there are a lot of ways of getting out of the crappy situation. but the first step would be to confront him about this. Does he already know that you know?

      You need not end the relationship. but you'll have to confront the situation. from there you'll know what would be your next move. stay and mend, or leave and be better.

      Delete
  8. Hey, so sorry to hear about this. Hope the storm clouds passes over soon.

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  9. backreading...

    im sorry but i dont know if this will bring back memories, but i got "entertained" more of this post because of your terms.

    Manong? REally???? HAHAHA

    Trust your instinct... always... that's why it's there for a reason...
    Once is enough, twice is too much, thrice is poisonous.

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  10. oh man. I just read through your blog since the first entry. I'm sorry this happened to you (not that i'm in any part of the cause). I really thought Cheng was the one for you, but I think I already can tell from this entry that everything is going downhill in the next entries between you two. I sincerely hope that Cheng finds it in his heart to make it up to you but not as his bf or anything intimate anymore. I know you'll be more careful next time where you put your heart into. I can't wait to see you grow up to be the man you are meant to be after all the hurdles you took on in life.

    I also wish the best for Cheng, knowing that his confusion and secrecy also tormented him in a way.

    This is just really sad.

    ReplyDelete