I don't even know if I still love him or I am just in love at the fact that I have a partner. I just don't feel the love anymore. I feel like a hole for him to fuck. Heck he even hides me from certain people. I feel like a sex toy! Long gone are the days where we used to have long late night conversations about our future plans till we fall asleep or the days where we were simply happy together.
A friend once told me that we cheat to find things that our partner cannot provide. Just recently I found out after going through Cheng's iPhone (which I have proudly cracked) that he has been fucking around with a law student whom he met on Tinder. Cheng may be way more well-off than I am but that doesn't matter because money cannot buy true friends. What do I lack for him to go snooping around for other guys?
Yes. I was also wrong for snooping around his phone.. But I was already having doubts when he was acting a bit strange at times. Like when I found law books on the backseat of his car, when smelled differently (Not the usual Bvlgari or Burberry Weekend he usually has on) when we comes to pick me up at my house, or when I found abrasions on his foreskin (Which led me to think that someone other than me has been playing with his manong). I don't think I deserve this..
This did not only happen once in our whole relationship. It is just too bad that my insurance does not have coverage for a metaphorically broken heart. I don't even know how to break up with him. It is hard for to actually for me to be OK with him. He has broken my trust several times and builds it up again only to later on break it. Probably the only reason why I find it so hard to let go of him is because I don't think I will ever find someone else who loves me like he does.
Maybe it is best for me to move to another province that way I can completely avoid him.