Monday, June 9, 2014

Where are we going?


Today... I left his condo.. Maybe we both just need time to think things through..
He opened up at a very sensitive topic that even I don't know the answer to..

So last night we were sampling the different dishes this new dimsum place had to offer and over dinner, we usually take a long time to finish our dinner since we usually just talk, talk and talk but tonight was different.. Cheng seemed awfully quiet that all he did was just eat and not bother to make much conversation.. So me thinking he was just hungry just let it go.. So we finally finished and paid the bill and all. He usually just hangs his arms around my shoulders but tonight was different..

While we were in his car, I wondered why he still did not move out of the parking area.

He suddenly held my hand and asked "Where are we going?"
Thinking he was referring to a place I said "Home, im tired lets go home"

"No Tiantian, where are we really going? Like us.."
"Ha what do you mean?" I was starting to feel uncomfortable.. I felt teary eyed
"Your graduating in a few months and probably moving in with me but what happens after we both come out?"
 I was left speechless. I just sat there not saying anything and shrugged his hand off mine..
 "Do we really have a future together as husband and husband? I want kids, a house and even grandchildren."

I did not know where this all was coming from.. "I dont know Cheng.. I dont know"
I started to cry..
"Tiantian, Im not breaking up with your or anything but I just dont know where we are going.."
"Tiantian, you know how much I love you and all but I just don't know if we have a future here.."

"I love you too Cheng but where is this all coming from?" I cried even more..
"Well my aunts and mother is pressuring me to date Christy.. You remember her my ex-fling..? The one whose family owns the storehouse a buildings next to yours?"
I was getting angry and at the same time really confused if he was breaking up with me I just didnt want to talk anymore..
"I already Christy has a thing for me ever since but what if I get into a relationship with her as a cover up and that maybe you can just be my secret lover? Just like that TV show?"

"Cheng, I want to go home.. Just drive us to your place now..."
We got to his condo and I started to pack up my things..

"Why are you leaving me?" He started sobbing as well..
"I was wondering if you were open to that idea.. We could both get a wife and keep this life a secret"

I left.. I did not want to hear anything more..
I did not know what to say.. Even till now..
Where are we going?
Maybe he was right all along..
I dont know..
I dont know..

22 comments:

  1. Oh no... It seems Cheng is still unsure of which path to take. :(

    Sana manaig ang tunay na pag-ibig...

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    1. Until now I still wonder why he brought that up

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  2. Stay strong and maybe you guys will get through this

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    1. Yeah we will get through this but I dont know anymore. Everything is still gonna be a bit awkward for now

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  3. what a sad entry. sigh. i hope you work things out. love love love

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    1. We talked about it again but we will find ways

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  4. For me, it's the wrong decision. Dating a girl for a cover up? Sorry but that's cowardicwe. Christy is a poor girl. And sorry but I'm hating you both for considering hurting a girl just to hide inside the closet. Sorry but that girl deserves true love. I understand people in the closet but I never understand why one should opt using another person because of his cowardice. Ur using Christy as a human shile for pete's sake think of it!

    Gosh. I'm so pepped up because of this post.

    Just dont use other people.

    Just like what Mystique said when she was asked by Nightcrawler why she opt not to blend in, there's no reason to hide. There's no reason to be afraid of

    And what ur doing, hiding and taking advantage of a poor innocent and clueless girl is not just cowardice. Ur giving the whole world the idea that there's something wrong with us

    Sorry. Hormones. Meron ata ako.

    I wish u both the best.

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    1. I know its wrong of him to think that way about using a girl just to hide us but I dont know anymore sorry if it disappointed you a lot.

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  5. I have to agree with what FiftyShadesofQueer said above. Kawawa naman si ate kung magiging cover up lng siya sa relasyon nyo.

    Timbang-timbangin nyo muna ang mga bagay-bagay bago kayo gumawa ng isang desisyon na pagsisisihan nyo pareho sa bandang huli.

    Goodluck :)

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    1. I know its sad but hopefully we will find ways to work everything out

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  6. I just realize that I should consider these stories seriously and not read these entries as if i were watching a teleserye. This is really getting a lot more serious and less melodramatic.

    Anyway, it's a choice that one must make. A choice to commit to each other in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, and only God and death will part you.

    You really want to do something right? You really want to do what's right in the eyes of the divine and mortal men? Walk in truth. Embrace and marry whom you truly love. Abhor what goes against your nature- the conventions of religion and bigotry. After all, if you were really to be judged, then God will do it, not mere men.

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    1. Boom. Well said but I just hope Cheng find where his heart really belongs

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  7. I have been reading your blog and following this for the past few months now but for this post i just cannot remain silent anymore.

    This is something hard. if cheng wants kids then why not adopt? if he wants kids made from his own sperm then go find a woman willing to keep the seed for 9months. If you truly love him then there is nothing to be afraid of.

    Why hide?

    This post somehow makes me upset how Cheng is doubting your relationship. You guys need to get through this and be strong. be brave to face whatever society throws at you because they cant hurt you. if it is really true love then nothing would stop you guys from being apart

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    Replies
    1. Adopting would be kind of hard here in the Phils since Cheng has a preference for the type of kids he wants

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  8. aw.....

    di ko alam kung pano magcocomment sa medyo complicated things.

    medyo i get the point ni cheng since he might be thinking of family, downline ng lahi ganyan.

    pero syempre, i feel you naman...

    magulo. pero di ako agree sa patagong relationship if ever, parang my husbands lover ang datingin kasi, may makakawawa, kayong tatlo (kasama si girlay)

    pero hopefully maayos ninyo ang mga bagay-bagay.

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    1. I know this is something hard.. I still dont know what to do really

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  9. I think it's nice to consider things in a relationship. Especially the future. And I am applauding Cheng for being honest about these issues because I think that shows that he cares about what you say/think. I hope a good long talk will resolve everything.

    Best of luck :)

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    1. Hopefully everything will find its place ;)

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  10. I know what Cheng means.. there has to be someone to carry on the family business and to pass on the family name. Maybe it was good of him to tell you early before its too late.

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  11. Sorry to read this. Hope you're okay.

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  12. I have to read this to understand your latest post.

    You know what, I understand where Cheng is coming from. I'm the only grandson who'll carry the family's name and it is a great pressure to carry on the legacy. Before, I used to see myself as married man with a wife and two kids - both boys. I thought that I can have a guy lover whom I will introduce to my wife as my bestfriend, my best man. I thought that as long as lines were not crossed - that my lover would understand the scope of our relationship, that at the end of the day, I come home to my wife and comes home to his, then the arrangement would be okay.

    But then I realized how rude and disrespectful it is to marry a girl and still have a guy lover. Eventually, after some introspection and circumstances arose, I saw myself growing old in the arms of the man I love.

    I hope after emotions subside, you could talk about that topic.

    I always believe in taking a day at a time, crossing the bridge when you get there. But since the topic has been opened early, there's no use running away from it. It's better to face it now than ruin the relationship you still have.

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  13. Hm. Still, why the sudden turn of events.

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