Today... I left his condo.. Maybe we both just need time to think things through..
He opened up at a very sensitive topic that even I don't know the answer to..
So last night we were sampling the different dishes this new dimsum place had to offer and over dinner, we usually take a long time to finish our dinner since we usually just talk, talk and talk but tonight was different.. Cheng seemed awfully quiet that all he did was just eat and not bother to make much conversation.. So me thinking he was just hungry just let it go.. So we finally finished and paid the bill and all. He usually just hangs his arms around my shoulders but tonight was different..
While we were in his car, I wondered why he still did not move out of the parking area.
He suddenly held my hand and asked "Where are we going?"
Thinking he was referring to a place I said "Home, im tired lets go home"
"No Tiantian, where are we really going? Like us.."
"Ha what do you mean?" I was starting to feel uncomfortable.. I felt teary eyed
"Your graduating in a few months and probably moving in with me but what happens after we both come out?"
I was left speechless. I just sat there not saying anything and shrugged his hand off mine..
"Do we really have a future together as husband and husband? I want kids, a house and even grandchildren."
I did not know where this all was coming from.. "I dont know Cheng.. I dont know"
I started to cry..
"Tiantian, Im not breaking up with your or anything but I just dont know where we are going.."
"Tiantian, you know how much I love you and all but I just don't know if we have a future here.."
"I love you too Cheng but where is this all coming from?" I cried even more..
"Well my aunts and mother is pressuring me to date Christy.. You remember her my ex-fling..? The one whose family owns the storehouse a buildings next to yours?"
I was getting angry and at the same time really confused if he was breaking up with me I just didnt want to talk anymore..
"I already Christy has a thing for me ever since but what if I get into a relationship with her as a cover up and that maybe you can just be my secret lover? Just like that TV show?"
"Cheng, I want to go home.. Just drive us to your place now..."
We got to his condo and I started to pack up my things..
"Why are you leaving me?" He started sobbing as well..
"I was wondering if you were open to that idea.. We could both get a wife and keep this life a secret"
I left.. I did not want to hear anything more..
I did not know what to say.. Even till now..
Where are we going?
Maybe he was right all along..
I dont know..
I dont know..