Fortunately nobody in my household even until now know about me and that bastard Cheng. Unfortunately for me however, today my maids and mom freely let him come in my house and had me eat breakfast with him a few hours ago I was left again with mixed emotions of sadness and anger.
I can't blame my maids and mom for letting him in the house since they are just so used to him being around the house a lot. Though I never expected him to have the guts to come to my house after what he did to me. I woke up to him sitting at my desk. I did not want to cause a scene in my house and possibly risking us out of the closet by my mom asking us what happened. So it was about 7:30am we were called to go to the dinner table for breakfast. We were going on with our lives eating breakfast like normal civilized adults till I found the pitcher of water next to him. I was thirsty but I did not have the guts to talk to him or even ask him to pour me a glass. I didn't want to talk to him, I was still mad. I was thirsty! I needed something to quench my thirst so I had no choice.. "Cheng, uhm can you pour me some water". He looked at me in shock and then again suddenly a wave of emotions came to me.
Deep inside I started to feel sad because I would not be able to do things with him anymore. I felt sad knowing that I had nobody to love me or even love anymore. Sad because I lost a good relationship.
I also felt angry for what he did to me. I was cheated on by his office-mate. He still had the guts to come to my house and try to talk things out. Angry because he made me love him.
We got back to my room and he started tearing up saying "It's not what you think it is.". "We were just playing around and he suddenly just kissed me on the cheek". "Carlo does that to everyone but he isn't even like "us" ". I kept silent for a few and said "Just leave. I don't want to talk to you right now" Should I believe him? How is holding hands playing around? Was I over reacting or was he lying to me?
I started to feel stupid for getting angry and jealous. Feeling confused I just did not know who to believe anymore. My eyes or his words. I did not know what to say or do. I wanted us to happen again but then again I did not want to be hurt anymore. As soon as I got to school I just had to write this post immediately.
This is the first major big fight we had. I don't know what to do should I end things myself now or give this love another chance?