Friday, September 2, 2016

The roller coaster ride which led me to my crush.

They say that we would have to live our life in moderation, to maintain the balance of life or else too much of a good thing may lead to bad thing or too much happiness now would mean that we are to expect a wave of sadness coming soon. Which is probably why the past few weeks have been such a roller coaster of events for me.  

One of the significant upside of my so called roller coaster was that, I have recently passed my board examinations (Almost made it in the top 10 too!). So now that I am a registered health care practitioner here in the Philippines, it is time to pay back my success by giving only quality health care service to my future patients. I did promise myself and the lord that once I pass the boards, I would be ready to serve those patients in need of my care and expertise in rehabilitative care. Despite the poor working conditions (both physically and monetarily) of a health care practitioner here in the Philippines I would really have to fulfill my promise while I am still here on this land that I call home. This is probably a way to fulfill my calling to give service to the people by adding life to the years that doctors have added to my future patients. I cannot wait to see the countless little victories that will be achieved by my future patients who would be able to walk again or even be able to function like a normal person again with my help as a health care professional. Since my friend reminded me that the true essence in working the medical field is truly not about the money or the sense of grandeur but to answer the calling of giving service to those in need of our help. 

One of the downsides in my so called roller coaster ride was that, I missed the opportunity to undergo a six week long training program at two of most challenging medical facilities here in the Philippines (besides PGH ofcourse) which I was looking forward to since my review days due to my mother who had a "mini stroke" and that it would really make feel bothered to be so far away from her (Yes I am a proud Mama's boy) since lately she has been clearly feeling unwell the past few days despite her efforts in trying to hide it from me to not make me worry much about her. To somehow compensate for the training program that I missed, I decided to just continue with the volunteer/training program at a hospital near my area.

So far I am enjoying my time here in the facility giving "voluntary service" to indigent patients in need of our care. I still don't understand that despite being a public hospital why is that there is no budget to actually hire more paid staff members instead of exploiting the use of volunteers to save on expenses. We are human beings too. We need money to buy food to eat and to support our needs.

On the bright side our rehabilitation facility usually gets free meals from the med reps that visit our department almost everyday and that I have a really huge crush on our resident doctor that usually gets cranky in a cute way on the day after his assigned rest day since he goes on a 24-hour duty during his rest day to earn some extra money for a vacation he is saving up for his mother. When I first saw him my gayday immediately dings and senses that he is like me.. A closet queen... Not to judge him or anything but I just feel it in my bones. He never had a girlfriend, majority of his friends are all girls, and I see him check out a lot of guys in our department. One thing that has confirmed my suspicion is how I was able to find him on tinder (which I swiped right since he is my crush naman).  He is probably in denial that he likes guys or must have not known that his profile was set to be seen by both guys and girls. 

Ugh! My crush on this resident who is eight years older than me is driving me nuts! I have only been in this department for about three weeks but damn! Me wanting to see his everyday is my motivation to not be late for "work" just so that I can go with him make rounds with our patients. Stalking him on facebook makes me want to join the bandwagon and make an account on that overused social media website. (Yes I am one of the few who does not have facebook.)


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Thank you all for the sweet emails you guys have left me :) You guys sort of motivate me to keep on blogging and thank you so much as well for helping me move on from my past. :) Hoping to read more from your blogs as well too!

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Pathetic.

There is one word that best describes how I feel right now. The feeling of inadequacy and inferiority. I feel pathetic...

So today I decided to study out in this somewhat overrated coffee shop in the IT Hub of our "booming city". I ordered a choco java chip frap and told the barista my name. As I was trying to find the perfect table to overstay and study. Boom! I tried to act as "normal" as I could. I saw them... I saw him... Him studying with his new guy. The law student. 

I pretended not to see him and sat on the opposite side of the cafe. I was already getting settled and fuck! The barista called out my name! So the walk of shame to get my drink begins. I got my drink and as much as I tried to not look his way. I did.. Our eyes met.. Mine and Cheng's.. I felt the familiar "zing" that sent an electric feel up my spine. I pretended to not know him and he did the same. 

"Of all the places! Why here! Why now?" I said to myself. 

There they are... In my eyes they look like a perfect couple... Both on the same career field, both of the same heritage, and both birds of the same feather.

Now I wonder if he loves him, like how he used to loved me? Does he make you want to check your phone to read sweet nothings? 

Maybe your last words saying "If that is what makes you happy then leave me". Was actually meant for yourself.  

I know right now you probably feel really gwapo for making me write this blog but fuck you for making me love you. I fell for you so hard even before I realized I did. I hope he loves you better than I did. 


Monday, July 18, 2016

After a break up.

Simala Parish Church in Sibonga, Cebu
So today marks the 30th day after I broke up with him. To celebrate I have decided to revamp the layout of my blog (haha! layout lang pala). 

In all seriousness though, after letting him go I sort of feel so much more free! Happy to have time for myself to just relax and focus on my studies. Even if there is this small part of me that feels missing, I guess this is how the process of moving on works. :) 

Your last words were "If that is what makes you happy then leave me" and so I did... I left the coffee shop and as soon as I got home, I started packing his things in my room and car and dropped it off in the guardhouse of his subdivision. You left scars in my heart which anatomically will not heal in six weeks and I hope your cock gets infected knowing that you frequently tear your foreskin when you fuck around with other guys.

Why do I even have to stay with a guy who keeps cheating on me with someone else. I know that your love for me was real and it is probably my fault for not being sexually there for you all the time; which led you to find other guys to satisfy your needs but once again I am not a sex toy so you can go and fuck yourself. 

Now you casually just texted me "Pwede makuha ang akong NSO and TOR sa cabinet nimo?" (Can I get my birth cert and transcript of records in your cabinet?)  as if nothing happened. Go process for a new NSO and TOR! In the first place why did you even have to leave your personal documents here..

So maybe he is happier with his new guy and I am probably just gonna be another bitter ex. Don't worry your secrets are safe with me. Cheng, I used to love you a lot but now I just hate you.

On the bright side I can be just like you! I get to hook up with whomever I want again and not have to worry about upsetting anyone. 

Taken at "The Porch by Casa Verde" somewhere in Anonas back when we were happier.
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18 more days till the boards.. I can do this :) Hoping for only the best :) Thank you for all the random emails you guys have sent me :) It def brightens my day to randomly have conversations with you guys.