Monday, May 15, 2017

the confirmation.

Patrick and I have become "really good" friends. We have now leveled up to texting each other, from what used to be communicating exclusively on messenger. Another crazy thing is that I have spent most of my April and mid-May 2017 weekends with him. From random dinner dates to road trips to far off areas.

"We have technically spent every weekend of April together" he randomly blurted out, while I was going through what I wanted on the menu.

For the sake of acknowledging his statement I just spoke out, "Bitaw noh! ( Right!) Funny how you suddenly became my weekend buddy."

"What is even more funny is how we look related to each other, a patient we were both handling once asked me if you were my cousin, since to her we look alike." he added

"What? I do not think we look alike! You have way smaller eyes and I feel like I have puffier cheeks."

"I want to tell you something though..."

"What is it?"

"I think I really like... (at this point I was already feeling the shakes of kilig), I really like it when we personally have late night conversations together. I rarely get to do this now that most of my batchmates are already busy with their careers and their own families."

I knew I had to get him a bit buzzed so that he would talk more and so I can date rape him. So I proposed a challenge to outdrink him tonight.

"The alcoholic in me wants to drink the night away in the nearby place after dinner. Since we both do not have anything better to do tomorrow anyways." I said to him

He gave a cheeky smile and agreed.

As we drove to our next location, I could not help but notice our elbows touching in the center compartment between our seats of my car. He didn't bother to move and I pretend to not notice but I swear our elbows touched for like a good fifteen minutes. (I know! Dorky me!)

We drank about two big bottles of Emperador only to realize that I have lost to him at my own game (My liver was not cooperating with me this time). He out-drank me! I was too drunk to do anything that I started puking all over the place, so drunk that I puked on myself.

I was expecting him to feel angry for letting him go through the hassle of me being drunk. Since he couldn't drive and that I was too drunk to do anything. He rented a room for us to stay the night.

 He technically dragged me to the room and tried to depants me.

"Help me take those off, so I can wash out your vomit."

I obliged. I gave him my shirt and unbuttoned my pants and he started to scrub off the soiled area with laundry soap. (Up until now I still wonder where he got the laundry soap...)

So here I am just in my underwear. I feel ashamed.

I had to blurt out "sorry for the hassle", as he was hanging my pants to dry in the bathroom.

He looked at me and just gave me a smile.

"They did not have rooms with separate beds so I guess we are gonna have to share the bed for tonight till you get in a good condition to drive us back home."

Fuck! This was a blessing in disguise! I get to sleep with my crush.

"If it makes you feel better, we can sleep with pillows in between us" I said trying to make things seem straight

"It's fine, It's just one night. we do not have to put any malice" he said while giving me a weird look

"I sort of feel weird sleeping in just my underwear."

He got out of the bed and started to undress to his underwear.

"There you go. Now you don't have to feel all weirded out."

I woke up at the middle of the night, to see him still awake looking at the random photos he took for the day on his phone beside me. I knew I had to try and make a move, so I gave him a hug. He turned around and gave me a kiss on the cheek. From there it was confirmed that we both were into each other.. It explains a lot of things that have happened to us lately...

It felt like a scene in the movie but it's all real! My goodness! My gaydar was not broken after all! My crush plays for our team!

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

a step closer.

Lately the guy I have been crushing on (Let's just call him Patrick) and I have been constantly chatting on messenger.

It all started morning after a co-worker's birthday party. I was shocked to see that he sent me a meme about me drinking too much. From there on we just kept exchanging messages, but when we saw each other in person it was a bit awkward talking to him. I felt like we were more comfortable talking to each other on messenger.

Last night was different though... We happened to meet each other at the grocery store and decided to walk to his place to drop his groceries and go out for coffee right after. Funny how we seemingly became close after a few days of talking on messenger.

"Tonight we chit-chat over a cup of coffee and no alcohol for you." he said as we walked to a sort of hidden coffee shop near his place.

I don't know if I should put meaning to this but when I tried paying for my drink, he pushed my hand away and paid for both our drinks. It felt weird but I guess this is a step forward to a new friendship (I want something more though.). We just talked all night about random things and time just flew by so fast that I didn't notice that we talked for around three hours, barely taking a sip of our now watered down cups of iced coffee. Funny how there was barely any conflict of interests in our conversation despite the age gap of around 8 years (Him being older).

Throughout our whole conversation, I kept trying to gather the courage to ask his sexual preference, but I could seem not muster up the courage to ask him straight up. This is the first time that we went out together though. I feel it in my bones that he plays for our team(LGBT), but he seems straight as wood. Maybe I should not expect anything though and start getting over this unrequited crush that I have on him.

Monday, April 3, 2017

the last passenger

I usually drop-off the guy I have been crushing on last, after a long night of drinking with friends. I deliberately do this to make small talk with him to break the awkward silence inside the car. Still testing the waters to know if he plays for the "same team", by checking if he reciprocates when I indirectly flirt with him. 

*while driving to his place*
"Woah! It's 2 A.M. already! They say nothing good happens after 2 A.M." 

 He responds with a giggle and says "It's too bad walang nearby spa places." 

Trying to turn the conversion into something green, I replied "Grabe the prim and proper resident doctor namin, may naughty side pala."

"Sayang we are near your place na, we could have went for a happy ending" I quickly added

"We all have our needs. I'll probably just help myself go to bed later." he jokingly said

At this point, I was already getting hard. I tried to control myself and not do anything stupid yet since maybe he was just being a typical horny guy. 

"I can give you a happy ending if you want Doc." I said to myself but blurted out to him "A lot of dark areas sa subdivision niyo, this is probably the best place to make miracles happen"

he just giggled and sat listening to whatever songs were playing on the car radio.. 

After that night though we started to send each other random memes on messenger and make small talk. Maybe pina-asa lang ako or ako lang ang nag lagay ng kulay. 

Ugh! Maybe all along I have been hitting on a straight guy. Sana magbigay siya ng sign that he plays for the same team! Patay na patay ako sakanya. What can be done about this?