Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Pathetic.

There is one word that best describes how I feel right now. The feeling of inadequacy and inferiority. I feel pathetic...

So today I decided to study out in this somewhat overrated coffee shop in the IT Hub of our "booming city". I ordered a choco java chip frap and told the barista my name. As I was trying to find the perfect table to overstay and study. Boom! I tried to act as "normal" as I could. I saw them... I saw him... Him studying with his new guy. The law student. 

I pretended not to see him and sat on the opposite side of the cafe. I was already getting settled and fuck! The barista called out my name! So the walk of shame to get my drink begins. I got my drink and as much as I tried to not look his way. I did.. Our eyes met.. Mine and Cheng's.. I felt the familiar "zing" that sent an electric feel up my spine. I pretended to not know him and he did the same. 

"Of all the places! Why here! Why now?" I said to myself. 

There they are... In my eyes they look like a perfect couple... Both on the same career field, both of the same heritage, and both birds of the same feather.

Now I wonder if he loves him, like how he used to loved me? Does he make you want to check your phone to read sweet nothings? 

Maybe your last words saying "If that is what makes you happy then leave me". Was actually meant for yourself.  

I know right now you probably feel really gwapo for making me write this blog but fuck you for making me love you. I fell for you so hard even before I realized I did. I hope he loves you better than I did. 


Monday, July 18, 2016

After a break up.

Simala Parish Church in Sibonga, Cebu
So today marks the 30th day after I broke up with him. To celebrate I have decided to revamp the layout of my blog (haha! layout lang pala). 

In all seriousness though, after letting him go I sort of feel so much more free! Happy to have time for myself to just relax and focus on my studies. Even if there is this small part of me that feels missing, I guess this is how the process of moving on works. :) 

Your last words were "If that is what makes you happy then leave me" and so I did... I left the coffee shop and as soon as I got home, I started packing his things in my room and car and dropped it off in the guardhouse of his subdivision. You left scars in my heart which anatomically will not heal in six weeks and I hope your cock gets infected knowing that you frequently tear your foreskin when you fuck around with other guys.

Why do I even have to stay with a guy who keeps cheating on me with someone else. I know that your love for me was real and it is probably my fault for not being sexually there for you all the time; which led you to find other guys to satisfy your needs but once again I am not a sex toy so you can go and fuck yourself. 

Now you casually just texted me "Pwede makuha ang akong NSO and TOR sa cabinet nimo?" (Can I get my birth cert and transcript of records in your cabinet?)  as if nothing happened. Go process for a new NSO and TOR! In the first place why did you even have to leave your personal documents here..

So maybe he is happier with his new guy and I am probably just gonna be another bitter ex. Don't worry your secrets are safe with me. Cheng, I used to love you a lot but now I just hate you.

On the bright side I can be just like you! I get to hook up with whomever I want again and not have to worry about upsetting anyone. 

Taken at "The Porch by Casa Verde" somewhere in Anonas back when we were happier.
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18 more days till the boards.. I can do this :) Hoping for only the best :) Thank you for all the random emails you guys have sent me :) It def brightens my day to randomly have conversations with you guys.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Acceptance.

After spending one of my many study breaks on Youtube. I was able to come across this video advertisement/commercial(Ugh! Whatever you call this vid) from Smart Communications that left me in awh.

This is probably one of the first local video ad from a big local company that actually made me feel something. I really liked how this video showed support for the LGBT community and how it is somehow conveying to us a message that we(Those who are still in the closet to some people) do not have to keep hiding since there are people that love us, who will accept us for who we are.
(BTW I am in no way affiliated with Smart Comm. nor was I paid to make this)





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29 more days till the boards. Pray for my success guys and my email is always open if you guys need anyone to talk to ;)